You cannot not model behaviour

Huh?

Where did that come from...

Many of you know that from time to time, I re-read bits of one of my various Steven Covey books. You know... the "7 Habits..." guy. And I just re-read something about modeling behaviour. (Notice the Canadian/British/Otherworld spelling for my foreign readership? :) ) Anyway, this particular story was about a man who delegated the raising of their child to his wife. "I don't know how to do that. You do it!" When the boy reached his teens and was unmanageable, the man said to his wife "Don't look at me. You raised him." What the child saw (and learned) was that fathers don't interact with the children. (And obviously, the wife could have used some help along the way.)

My example, though, is much lighter. (Thankfully!)

And I guess this post comes as a reasonably logical follow-up to my previous post. (By the way, if you were an early reader of that post, you may be interested in reviewing the disclaimer that I added at the end.) (Go ahead and scroll down there now, while you're thinking about it, otherwise you'll forget. I'll wait...)


OK

I used to sleep in the buff. PK. Pre-kids. While I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of regarding nudity, or that children should be kept from learning about the body, I didn't (and don't) think it was necessarily a good idea to be naked when the kids climbed in bed with us. So I started sleeping in my underwear. I don't really like pajamas. They make me feel as if I'm strapped into the bed or something.

As Mattea climbed in bed with us over the years, she did so happily, would drift off back to sleep, and wake without comment and go off about her morning routine. As the boys climbed in bed with us over the years (and yes, for awhile there, sometimes we would wake up and there would be five of us in bed. Thankfully, no longer!) they would drift off back to sleep, wake up in the morning and go about their morning routine.

But one morning, one of the boys said "Daddy, where are your pajamas?" So I told him that I don't like wearing pajamas. So he asked if he could sleep in his underwear too. We couldn't see any reason for him not to, so we said yes. Naturally, what one brother does, the other brother will also do. Surprisingly though, not long after, Mattea asked if she could sleep in her underwear too! So now, me and the kids all sleep in our underwear, while T still has a variety of PJ's that she can routinely be found in.

You cannot not model behaviour, even when you have no intention of teaching anything. You are always teaching by example, even when you are not thinking about it.

As a side note, (and I may have written about this before, so if I am boring you now, you can go ahead and do that other load of laundry), when the boys turned 5 we told them that they were too old to sleep with us any longer. And that lasted for a few weeks until one of them had a nightmare and climbed into bed with us. Now we generally have one boy sleeping with us when we wake up, and occasionally two.

At first, I would remind them of their age upon awakening, and would request that they stay in their own bed. But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I liked waking up when one of the kids joined us in bed during the night. As I am generally a heavy sleeper, sometimes they get into bed and I don't know it until I wake. Other times, they crawl all over to get in and I will be aware of their existence. They are usually back asleep within seconds.

One of the reasons that we let them continue is this: Mattea doesn't get into bed with us anymore. And I miss that. She is older now, and more comfortable with the night. She rarely has nightmares, and generally will go back to sleep on her own if they do arise. And she hasn't had a bout of sleepwalking in many, many months now.

So, my little pea-brain told me one day, "If Mattea doesn't sleep with you any more, the boys won't sleep with you anymore one day too". And, truth be told, I'm not really looking forward to that day when the boys don't sleep with us any longer. I like waking up with Theresa on one side and Noah or Grayson on the other. (Although Theresa doesn't like it so much when it's Grayson, Me, then Noah, then Theresa. Noah sometimes pushes his feet against you in his sleep.)

Perhaps next time, I'll talk about the remaining bizarre sleeping arrangements in Casa Hernandez. Until then...