This is a topic that I have given much thought to over the past couple of years, and one that I have been meaning to blog about for some time. In fact, I have thought about starting a blog devoted solely to this topic, and perhaps writing a book about it.
Yes... it is that important.
The importance of an exit strategy should be obvious to anyone. If you do a thing, what will be the consequence of that action. "Actions have consequences" I say over and over and over again to my children. Repetition breeds retention. At some point in their lives (one that, unfortunately, they have not yet achieved), they will come to this realization. Unfortunately, it is an idea that is foreign to many in all walks of life.
The example that many are thinking of as you read these words is the current war in Iraq. Although that is a classic example of doing a thing and not knowing what the consequence will be, it is not the example that I have in mind. (Food for thought - don't start an argument without giving thought to how you will exit the situation.)
What brings about my post today is the current economic crisis, and our government's response to it. It has taken years to develop our ongoing economic deterioration as a nation, but no one seemed to notice, or if they did, they were so high up the food chain they just decided that they would take their millions and go home when the game was over. What makes anyone - those on Wall Street, those on Main Street, and, yes, those in the government - think that a proposal crafted in a week is the answer? Guess what? It's not.
Although I am a dismal failure at my investment attempts in the market (just ask Theresa), it is not because of a lack of understanding. It is because of a lack of discipline to establish a plan and stick with it. I have developed many investment systems that have proven highly successful, but I lack the patience to see my efforts through to fruition. (I also have more than a bit of a gambler in me, and as such, am drawn to highly leveraged situations that do really well when they work, but can (and have) caused large losses when the timing is just a little bit off.) In my research, I read a wide variety of sources for financial market information, both here in the U.S. and abroad. One newsletter that I take had this to say:
I am convinced that the stock market is in serious trouble. We face the contraction of a credit bubble that was 30 years in the making. The Fed cannot save major banks from insolvency if housing prices continue to fall. The political system has failed to address the problem, preferring to merely postpone it by printing more money. That is a road to nowhere: the credit bubble will simply grow bigger and bigger until the system collapses. This may be our last chance to avoid a 1930s style depression. Any candidate in the November election who proposes to borrow more money for another stimulus package is being fiscally irresponsible. What we need is for someone to take charge and clean up the mess — not throw another party.
Incredible Charts - August 26, 2008
Here is another post from the same author:
The takeover of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac may provide welcome relief to financial markets in the short term, but this will not save the economy from the approaching credit crunch. Estimates of write-downs from the mortgage crisis range between $500 billion and $1 trillion. Replacement equity has dried up as the solvency crisis deepens and further potential losses from falling housing prices cast a shadow over the market. In the same way that banks can increase lending by $10 for every $1 increase in reserves, the opposite is likely to occur with any decrease in reserves. A $500 billion write-off from reserves, with no ready means of replacement, will force a $5 trillion contraction in bank credit. Roughly equal to the entire mortgage portfolio of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — or 10 times the annual GDP of Australia. On top of that we face gradual contraction of the two GSE's mortgage portfolios over the next four to five years as Treasury attempts to bring them back under control. And there's more. The financial sector still faces further contraction of off-balance sheet funding structures as well. While the above calculations are rough and ready, we can be sure that the global credit contraction will be a big number. And neither the Fed nor Treasury have the resources to continually come to the rescue.
Incredible Charts - September 11, 2008
The author of Incredible Charts, Colin Twiggs, publishes his newsletter in Australia and provides analysis on worldwide markets.
Recently, I came across a name that I did not recall having heard before - Nouriel Roubini. It seems that Mr. Roubini has strong credentials within our government in the Treasury Department, and as an independent economist and professor of Economics at New York University. Mr. Roubini has over the years made many observations about global economic practices, strategies and collapses, and was recently the subject of an article in The New York Times Magazine. What follows are some quotes from that article, for those that do not wish to read it in its entirety:
On Sept. 7, 2006, Nouriel Roubini, an economics professor at New York University, stood before an audience of economists at the International Monetary Fund and announced that a crisis was brewing. In the coming months and years, he warned, the United States was likely to face a once-in-a-lifetime housing bust, an oil shock, sharply declining consumer confidence and, ultimately, a deep recession.
Over the past year, whenever optimists have declared the worst of the economic crisis behind us, Roubini has countered with steadfast pessimism. In February, when the conventional wisdom held that the venerable investment firms of Wall Street would weather the crisis, Roubini warned that one or more of them would go “belly up” — and six weeks later, Bear Stearns collapsed.
The ’90s were an eventful time for an international economist like Roubini. Throughout the decade, one emerging economy after another was beset by crisis, beginning with Mexico’s in 1994. Panics swept Asia, including Thailand, Indonesia and Korea, in 1997 and 1998. The economies of Brazil and Russia imploded in 1998. Argentina’s followed in 2000. Roubini began studying these countries and soon identified what he saw as their common weaknesses. On the eve of the crises that befell them, he noticed, most had huge current-account deficits (meaning, basically, that they spent far more than they made), and they typically financed these deficits by borrowing from abroad in ways that exposed them to the national equivalent of bank runs. Most of these countries also had poorly regulated banking systems plagued by excessive borrowing and reckless lending. Corporate governance was often weak, with cronyism in abundance.
(Sound familiar?)
After analyzing the markets that collapsed in the ’90s, Roubini set out to determine which country’s economy would be the next to succumb to the same pressures. His surprising answer: the United States’. “The United States,” Roubini remembers thinking, “looked like the biggest emerging market of all.” Of course, the United States wasn’t an emerging market; it was (and still is) the largest economy in the world. But Roubini was unnerved by what he saw in the U.S. economy, in particular its 2004 current-account deficit of $600 billion. He began writing extensively about the dangers of that deficit and then branched out, researching the various effects of the credit boom — including the biggest housing bubble in the nation’s history — that began after the Federal Reserve cut rates to close to zero in 2003. Roubini became convinced that the housing bubble was going to pop.
(I don't know where the New York Times gets its current account numbers. Apparently, they are hard to come by - at least accurately. It seems the government's Bureau of Economic Analysis pegs the Current Account Deficit at $183 billion. But if you go to the government's Central Intelligence Agency (that's right, the CIA) World Factbook, the Current Account Deficit was over $738 billion last year.)
Only a handful of 20th-century economists have even bothered to study financial panics. (The most notable example is probably the late economist Hyman Minksy, of whom Roubini is an avid reader.) “These are things most economists barely understand,” Roubini told me. “We’re in uncharted territory where standard economic theory isn’t helpful.”
For months Roubini has been arguing that the true cost of the housing crisis will not be a mere $300 billion — the amount allowed for by the housing legislation sponsored by Representative Barney Frank and Senator Christopher Dodd — but something between a trillion and a trillion and a half dollars. But most important, in Roubini’s opinion, is to realize that the problem is deeper than the housing crisis. “Reckless people have deluded themselves that this was a subprime crisis,” he told me. “But we have problems with credit-card debt, student-loan debt, auto loans, commercial real estate loans, home-equity loans, corporate debt and loans that financed leveraged buyouts.” All of these forms of debt, he argues, suffer from some or all of the same traits that first surfaced in the housing market: shoddy underwriting, securitization, negligence on the part of the credit-rating agencies and lax government oversight. “We have a subprime financial system,” he said, “not a subprime mortgage market.”
The New York Times Magazine, August 15, 2008
I don't know about you, but in the event that we are in the midst of a never-before-seen state of economic conflagration, I'm personally a little more comfortable with the opinion of someone who has studied similar states of distress before, as opposed to being inclined to listen to the same economists who have been saying all along that everything is going to be just fine.
So, to summarize - we are facing a situation that may cost anywhere from $1 trillion to $1.5 trillion, and the government wants to print a mere $250 billion to throw at it. What they're not saying is how much the next wave is going to cost, and the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that.
There is no exit strategy.
By the way... even if you are not of the habit of leaving blog comments, I would appreciate your feedback on the idea of a blog on this topic (not the economy, but the importance of an exit strategy in life). Thanks!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Flux: A continuous moving on or passing by
I didn't really know what to title this post, when the idea of change came to me. I knew what my topic would be, as I've been meaning to write about this for awhile now; I just didn't know how I would frame it.
Flux seems to cover it - A continuous moving on or passing by.
As in time... life... experience. All are in a state of flux, whether we wish them to be or not.
I recently started taking a massage class. But the reason that I started taking the massage class is because it is the first step in becoming a Holistic Health Practitioner. And the reason that I want to become a Holistic Health Practitioner is that I do not want to be in my 60's and still training in the automobile industry and having to travel a significant amount of time to earn a living. Because, as many of you know, when I'm working, I'm traveling. I like the work part, but the traveling part is starting to wear on me, especially given that I now have kids that like it when I'm home, and don't like it when I'm gone. (I think my wife likes it when I'm home too.)
What I have learned, being a trainer for the past 16 years or so, is that I like helping people. Being a car guy, I get to talk about cars, and learn about cars, and drive new cars and generally have a pretty good time. And people pay me to do it. Now if you are a car guy, and you like helping people, ya gotta admit... that's not a bad way to make a living.
But looking to the future, I realized that I needed to find another path to take. Admittedly, I did not know what that path would be. But I have been a consumer of massage for several years now. And not long ago, a first time consumer of chiropractic care as well. And I guess one day, as I sat at my desk and contemplated various future scenarios of my life, I stumbled across the idea of becoming a trainer/practitioner in the alternative health care industry. This idea seemed to make sense to me for a number of reasons.
As Mattea and the boys have started growing up, and become more aware of the things going on in their lives, I wanted to be sure that what they were seeing in me was the most positive role model that I could possibly be. (Remember the discussion about always modeling behaviour?) They don't really have an idea of what I do for a living now, they just know that I'm gone a lot when I work. When they do start to ask more about what I do, and have a better grasp of how I earn my way in the world, I would like to think that I could say to them something like "I help people live their lives in a healthier way, and I help teach others to help even more people live their lives in a healthier, happier way". I would like nothing more than to see all of our children become positive influences in this world in whatever way they might be able to contribute.
Also, when I become a trainer/practitioner in the alternative health care industry, I see this as something that I can do until I am no longer able to do anything. I truly don't see myself ever not working. What would I do if I didn't work?
So I started looking around at schools in the San Diego area that would be able to start me on the path of becoming a Holistic Health Practitioner (HHP). While there are more than one would think, the one that I ended up going with (Body Mind College) had a couple of things going for it, in my view.
Their basic philosophy about the approach to becoming a HHP is this: Healer, heal thyself. Even something as basic as the beginning Massage Technician class, which I enrolled in, starts with learning Tai Chi. In their words "We train you in T’ai Chi so that you can learn to use your body in a way that you will not be injured doing massage." Since everything else is built upon the foundation, it seems that a proper foundation is key. It sounds foolish to say that there are massage classes being taught without regard to not injuring yourself while giving the massage, but after just walking through a mall the other day, and seeing massage practitioners practicing at massage chairs with mall patrons, it became obvious to me that my three classes have already taught me more about the proper stance to work from than any of these practitioners were using. And even more, I knew why they were not standing properly.
Also, one of the faculty members (and one of the teachers of this particular Massage Technician class) is a guy that I met through racing over twenty years ago, and had not seen in about ten years or so. Last time I saw Dave, I knew that he had gotten into massage, but he has been a practitioner for about fourteen years now, and a teacher for about ten.
I have had an opportunity to attend a few classes now, and I am amazed at how quickly things progress. Naturally, Theresa is looking forward to the point in time when I need to practice on someone, and I have already heard from others who would be interested in "volunteering" should I need additional practice time.
Because of my travel, I have had to miss some classes already, and I will unfortunately miss a few more going forward. But this first program is only a couple months long, and I have been able to arrange my schedule to make it to most of the remaining classes. I can also meet with some of the other students to make up the lost time.
I am truly looking forward to this journey. Once the initial Massage Technician classes are complete, I can take a look at what would be the best way to continue on my path. I can say for certain that I am excited about the pursuit of this new era of my life. I look forward to the benefits that it will bring to me, and the many benefits that I can bring to others.
And yes, once I get to that point, I will gladly offer to practice on you.
Flux seems to cover it - A continuous moving on or passing by.
As in time... life... experience. All are in a state of flux, whether we wish them to be or not.
I recently started taking a massage class. But the reason that I started taking the massage class is because it is the first step in becoming a Holistic Health Practitioner. And the reason that I want to become a Holistic Health Practitioner is that I do not want to be in my 60's and still training in the automobile industry and having to travel a significant amount of time to earn a living. Because, as many of you know, when I'm working, I'm traveling. I like the work part, but the traveling part is starting to wear on me, especially given that I now have kids that like it when I'm home, and don't like it when I'm gone. (I think my wife likes it when I'm home too.)
What I have learned, being a trainer for the past 16 years or so, is that I like helping people. Being a car guy, I get to talk about cars, and learn about cars, and drive new cars and generally have a pretty good time. And people pay me to do it. Now if you are a car guy, and you like helping people, ya gotta admit... that's not a bad way to make a living.
But looking to the future, I realized that I needed to find another path to take. Admittedly, I did not know what that path would be. But I have been a consumer of massage for several years now. And not long ago, a first time consumer of chiropractic care as well. And I guess one day, as I sat at my desk and contemplated various future scenarios of my life, I stumbled across the idea of becoming a trainer/practitioner in the alternative health care industry. This idea seemed to make sense to me for a number of reasons.
As Mattea and the boys have started growing up, and become more aware of the things going on in their lives, I wanted to be sure that what they were seeing in me was the most positive role model that I could possibly be. (Remember the discussion about always modeling behaviour?) They don't really have an idea of what I do for a living now, they just know that I'm gone a lot when I work. When they do start to ask more about what I do, and have a better grasp of how I earn my way in the world, I would like to think that I could say to them something like "I help people live their lives in a healthier way, and I help teach others to help even more people live their lives in a healthier, happier way". I would like nothing more than to see all of our children become positive influences in this world in whatever way they might be able to contribute.
Also, when I become a trainer/practitioner in the alternative health care industry, I see this as something that I can do until I am no longer able to do anything. I truly don't see myself ever not working. What would I do if I didn't work?
So I started looking around at schools in the San Diego area that would be able to start me on the path of becoming a Holistic Health Practitioner (HHP). While there are more than one would think, the one that I ended up going with (Body Mind College) had a couple of things going for it, in my view.
Their basic philosophy about the approach to becoming a HHP is this: Healer, heal thyself. Even something as basic as the beginning Massage Technician class, which I enrolled in, starts with learning Tai Chi. In their words "We train you in T’ai Chi so that you can learn to use your body in a way that you will not be injured doing massage." Since everything else is built upon the foundation, it seems that a proper foundation is key. It sounds foolish to say that there are massage classes being taught without regard to not injuring yourself while giving the massage, but after just walking through a mall the other day, and seeing massage practitioners practicing at massage chairs with mall patrons, it became obvious to me that my three classes have already taught me more about the proper stance to work from than any of these practitioners were using. And even more, I knew why they were not standing properly.
Also, one of the faculty members (and one of the teachers of this particular Massage Technician class) is a guy that I met through racing over twenty years ago, and had not seen in about ten years or so. Last time I saw Dave, I knew that he had gotten into massage, but he has been a practitioner for about fourteen years now, and a teacher for about ten.
I have had an opportunity to attend a few classes now, and I am amazed at how quickly things progress. Naturally, Theresa is looking forward to the point in time when I need to practice on someone, and I have already heard from others who would be interested in "volunteering" should I need additional practice time.
Because of my travel, I have had to miss some classes already, and I will unfortunately miss a few more going forward. But this first program is only a couple months long, and I have been able to arrange my schedule to make it to most of the remaining classes. I can also meet with some of the other students to make up the lost time.
I am truly looking forward to this journey. Once the initial Massage Technician classes are complete, I can take a look at what would be the best way to continue on my path. I can say for certain that I am excited about the pursuit of this new era of my life. I look forward to the benefits that it will bring to me, and the many benefits that I can bring to others.
And yes, once I get to that point, I will gladly offer to practice on you.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
So... what's up with that!
Marketing, I guess. Making people believe that they need something, that they really don't need, and probably would be better off without.
"So what's he going off about this time" I hear you thinking. Yes. I can hear you thinking. I really am that perceptive.
I flew into Nashville yesterday, for a weeks' worth of training on a program that I will not work on. Well... hopefully anyway.
Nissan has just started an ongoing, year-round training program for their sales consultants, to supplement the new model launch training which has been the mainstay of their training for years. They will be providing continual training on existing models now, which is a good thing, as many of the sales consultants were not around when the vehicle was initially launched. Anyway... they hired 18 trainers to perform this function. But with a program like this, you really need to have some alternate trainers for those unavoidable situations when an alternate is required. So I was asked to be an alternate.
So what has this got to do with my rant, you ask?
I got up this morning and made some coffee in my hotel room and when I sat down at the desk to go online and see what was happening in the world I moved my briefcase from the desktop. I should say, unglued it from the desktop. I can still see the contact points left behind, as I peeled my satchel from the table.
Apparently, the hotel management thinks that clearing away dust with a cloth, or duster, is not nearly effective enough. One must have their staff spray way too much "Pledge" or somesuch concoction onto the surface, which builds up over time, and develops this nice tacky surface on which to place things. Yes. That is a much better option that just clearing the dust away, and leaving a nice tacky-less surface.
Marketing...
"So what's he going off about this time" I hear you thinking. Yes. I can hear you thinking. I really am that perceptive.
I flew into Nashville yesterday, for a weeks' worth of training on a program that I will not work on. Well... hopefully anyway.
Nissan has just started an ongoing, year-round training program for their sales consultants, to supplement the new model launch training which has been the mainstay of their training for years. They will be providing continual training on existing models now, which is a good thing, as many of the sales consultants were not around when the vehicle was initially launched. Anyway... they hired 18 trainers to perform this function. But with a program like this, you really need to have some alternate trainers for those unavoidable situations when an alternate is required. So I was asked to be an alternate.
So what has this got to do with my rant, you ask?
I got up this morning and made some coffee in my hotel room and when I sat down at the desk to go online and see what was happening in the world I moved my briefcase from the desktop. I should say, unglued it from the desktop. I can still see the contact points left behind, as I peeled my satchel from the table.
Apparently, the hotel management thinks that clearing away dust with a cloth, or duster, is not nearly effective enough. One must have their staff spray way too much "Pledge" or somesuch concoction onto the surface, which builds up over time, and develops this nice tacky surface on which to place things. Yes. That is a much better option that just clearing the dust away, and leaving a nice tacky-less surface.
Marketing...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I just had to say it
Kismet
Karma
Fate
Whatever it is you wish to call it, we are always reminded not to tempt it.
So I just had to say it, didn't I...
Tuesday night, just one night after my last blog post, guess who we saw wandering the passages of our home?
That's right... Mattea!
We had put the kids to bed, as we normally do. Which brings me to the topic that I was going to be bringing up anyway... sleeping arrangements at our house. I'll get back to the story momentarily.
After Mattea was born, Theresa and I had talked about having another child. We knew that should we choose to have another child, that a larger home would be necessary. Our 1940's vintage 2 bedroom cottage (that had been expanded to three bedrooms by its original owner) could not be enlarged to comfortably accommodate the needs of a growing family, especially one with our particular desires. (If we are nothing else, we are a family with particular desires.) So we found a 5 bedroom home that could offer up one of its bedrooms as an office, one bedroom for Mattea, one bedroom for our future child, a guest bedroom for the occasional visitor and naturally, a bedroom for Theresa and myself.
Well... our future child turned into two, as Theresa could not manage to keep her egg from splitting. Which did not vastly change our plans. We would just turn one bedroom into the boys' room. After all, they are twins. Certainly they can share a bedroom, after having shared a much smaller space together.
So, now that we have carefully arranged our household to meet our needs, how have our sleeping arrangements evolved? Good question.
Mattea sleeps in the guest bedroom every night with either Noah or Grayson beside her, on a rotating basis each night, while her own loft bed that she just had to have, gathers dust in her own bedroom.
The non-Mattea brother, goes to sleep in our bed. Once asleep (and generally having perspired all over our sheets and pillowcase) we then transfer him to his bed when we go upstairs as the time comes for us to retire for the evening.
Then, and only then, can one of the boys wake up in the middle of the night and decide to join us in bed. And occasionally the other will as well, leaving both of the kids beds devoid of children.
Yes the boys have only one bed (and one crib) in their room. We figured, as long as they weren't using the bed they have, there really is no reason to buy another bed that will likely remain unused. The crib will go (finally) to Theresa's brother Jim, who will be needing it soon. (You know, I had heard it said that Jim slept like a baby, but I didn't really know that's what was meant...)
So... getting back to my original topic...
After putting the kids to bed Tuesday night, Theresa and I were watching television when I saw movement out in the darkened hallway. It was well after their bedtime, and we knew that all the kids were asleep. I had a pretty good idea of what I thought I saw, but I wanted to be sure, so we paused the television (Tivo is a wonderful thing), and we went to investigate. Sure enough, Mattea was missing from the bed in the guest bedroom downstairs. So I walked through the house checking each room, and she was nowhere to be found. Starting to become slightly concerned, I retraced my steps and this time when I got to Mattea's bedroom upstairs, I actually climbed a couple steps of her loft bed. Sure enough, she was up there, with her head at the foot of the bed.
When we all got up on Wednesday morning, Mattea was back downstairs in the guest room bed! When we asked her about it, she said that she woke up at some point during the night and didn't know how she ended up in her own bed. So she got up and went back downstairs to sleep in the guest bedroom with her brother.
Perhaps it's time to start installing cameras around the house attached to some type of recording device, just so we can keep track of nocturnal activities!
Karma
Fate
Whatever it is you wish to call it, we are always reminded not to tempt it.
So I just had to say it, didn't I...
Tuesday night, just one night after my last blog post, guess who we saw wandering the passages of our home?
That's right... Mattea!
We had put the kids to bed, as we normally do. Which brings me to the topic that I was going to be bringing up anyway... sleeping arrangements at our house. I'll get back to the story momentarily.
After Mattea was born, Theresa and I had talked about having another child. We knew that should we choose to have another child, that a larger home would be necessary. Our 1940's vintage 2 bedroom cottage (that had been expanded to three bedrooms by its original owner) could not be enlarged to comfortably accommodate the needs of a growing family, especially one with our particular desires. (If we are nothing else, we are a family with particular desires.) So we found a 5 bedroom home that could offer up one of its bedrooms as an office, one bedroom for Mattea, one bedroom for our future child, a guest bedroom for the occasional visitor and naturally, a bedroom for Theresa and myself.
Well... our future child turned into two, as Theresa could not manage to keep her egg from splitting. Which did not vastly change our plans. We would just turn one bedroom into the boys' room. After all, they are twins. Certainly they can share a bedroom, after having shared a much smaller space together.
So, now that we have carefully arranged our household to meet our needs, how have our sleeping arrangements evolved? Good question.
Mattea sleeps in the guest bedroom every night with either Noah or Grayson beside her, on a rotating basis each night, while her own loft bed that she just had to have, gathers dust in her own bedroom.
The non-Mattea brother, goes to sleep in our bed. Once asleep (and generally having perspired all over our sheets and pillowcase) we then transfer him to his bed when we go upstairs as the time comes for us to retire for the evening.
Then, and only then, can one of the boys wake up in the middle of the night and decide to join us in bed. And occasionally the other will as well, leaving both of the kids beds devoid of children.
Yes the boys have only one bed (and one crib) in their room. We figured, as long as they weren't using the bed they have, there really is no reason to buy another bed that will likely remain unused. The crib will go (finally) to Theresa's brother Jim, who will be needing it soon. (You know, I had heard it said that Jim slept like a baby, but I didn't really know that's what was meant...)
So... getting back to my original topic...
After putting the kids to bed Tuesday night, Theresa and I were watching television when I saw movement out in the darkened hallway. It was well after their bedtime, and we knew that all the kids were asleep. I had a pretty good idea of what I thought I saw, but I wanted to be sure, so we paused the television (Tivo is a wonderful thing), and we went to investigate. Sure enough, Mattea was missing from the bed in the guest bedroom downstairs. So I walked through the house checking each room, and she was nowhere to be found. Starting to become slightly concerned, I retraced my steps and this time when I got to Mattea's bedroom upstairs, I actually climbed a couple steps of her loft bed. Sure enough, she was up there, with her head at the foot of the bed.
When we all got up on Wednesday morning, Mattea was back downstairs in the guest room bed! When we asked her about it, she said that she woke up at some point during the night and didn't know how she ended up in her own bed. So she got up and went back downstairs to sleep in the guest bedroom with her brother.
Perhaps it's time to start installing cameras around the house attached to some type of recording device, just so we can keep track of nocturnal activities!
Monday, September 08, 2008
You cannot not model behaviour
Huh?
Where did that come from...
Many of you know that from time to time, I re-read bits of one of my various Steven Covey books. You know... the "7 Habits..." guy. And I just re-read something about modeling behaviour. (Notice the Canadian/British/Otherworld spelling for my foreign readership? :) ) Anyway, this particular story was about a man who delegated the raising of their child to his wife. "I don't know how to do that. You do it!" When the boy reached his teens and was unmanageable, the man said to his wife "Don't look at me. You raised him." What the child saw (and learned) was that fathers don't interact with the children. (And obviously, the wife could have used some help along the way.)
My example, though, is much lighter. (Thankfully!)
And I guess this post comes as a reasonably logical follow-up to my previous post. (By the way, if you were an early reader of that post, you may be interested in reviewing the disclaimer that I added at the end.) (Go ahead and scroll down there now, while you're thinking about it, otherwise you'll forget. I'll wait...)
OK
I used to sleep in the buff. PK. Pre-kids. While I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of regarding nudity, or that children should be kept from learning about the body, I didn't (and don't) think it was necessarily a good idea to be naked when the kids climbed in bed with us. So I started sleeping in my underwear. I don't really like pajamas. They make me feel as if I'm strapped into the bed or something.
As Mattea climbed in bed with us over the years, she did so happily, would drift off back to sleep, and wake without comment and go off about her morning routine. As the boys climbed in bed with us over the years (and yes, for awhile there, sometimes we would wake up and there would be five of us in bed. Thankfully, no longer!) they would drift off back to sleep, wake up in the morning and go about their morning routine.
But one morning, one of the boys said "Daddy, where are your pajamas?" So I told him that I don't like wearing pajamas. So he asked if he could sleep in his underwear too. We couldn't see any reason for him not to, so we said yes. Naturally, what one brother does, the other brother will also do. Surprisingly though, not long after, Mattea asked if she could sleep in her underwear too! So now, me and the kids all sleep in our underwear, while T still has a variety of PJ's that she can routinely be found in.
You cannot not model behaviour, even when you have no intention of teaching anything. You are always teaching by example, even when you are not thinking about it.
As a side note, (and I may have written about this before, so if I am boring you now, you can go ahead and do that other load of laundry), when the boys turned 5 we told them that they were too old to sleep with us any longer. And that lasted for a few weeks until one of them had a nightmare and climbed into bed with us. Now we generally have one boy sleeping with us when we wake up, and occasionally two.
At first, I would remind them of their age upon awakening, and would request that they stay in their own bed. But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I liked waking up when one of the kids joined us in bed during the night. As I am generally a heavy sleeper, sometimes they get into bed and I don't know it until I wake. Other times, they crawl all over to get in and I will be aware of their existence. They are usually back asleep within seconds.
One of the reasons that we let them continue is this: Mattea doesn't get into bed with us anymore. And I miss that. She is older now, and more comfortable with the night. She rarely has nightmares, and generally will go back to sleep on her own if they do arise. And she hasn't had a bout of sleepwalking in many, many months now.
So, my little pea-brain told me one day, "If Mattea doesn't sleep with you any more, the boys won't sleep with you anymore one day too". And, truth be told, I'm not really looking forward to that day when the boys don't sleep with us any longer. I like waking up with Theresa on one side and Noah or Grayson on the other. (Although Theresa doesn't like it so much when it's Grayson, Me, then Noah, then Theresa. Noah sometimes pushes his feet against you in his sleep.)
Perhaps next time, I'll talk about the remaining bizarre sleeping arrangements in Casa Hernandez. Until then...
Where did that come from...
Many of you know that from time to time, I re-read bits of one of my various Steven Covey books. You know... the "7 Habits..." guy. And I just re-read something about modeling behaviour. (Notice the Canadian/British/Otherworld spelling for my foreign readership? :) ) Anyway, this particular story was about a man who delegated the raising of their child to his wife. "I don't know how to do that. You do it!" When the boy reached his teens and was unmanageable, the man said to his wife "Don't look at me. You raised him." What the child saw (and learned) was that fathers don't interact with the children. (And obviously, the wife could have used some help along the way.)
My example, though, is much lighter. (Thankfully!)
And I guess this post comes as a reasonably logical follow-up to my previous post. (By the way, if you were an early reader of that post, you may be interested in reviewing the disclaimer that I added at the end.) (Go ahead and scroll down there now, while you're thinking about it, otherwise you'll forget. I'll wait...)
OK
I used to sleep in the buff. PK. Pre-kids. While I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of regarding nudity, or that children should be kept from learning about the body, I didn't (and don't) think it was necessarily a good idea to be naked when the kids climbed in bed with us. So I started sleeping in my underwear. I don't really like pajamas. They make me feel as if I'm strapped into the bed or something.
As Mattea climbed in bed with us over the years, she did so happily, would drift off back to sleep, and wake without comment and go off about her morning routine. As the boys climbed in bed with us over the years (and yes, for awhile there, sometimes we would wake up and there would be five of us in bed. Thankfully, no longer!) they would drift off back to sleep, wake up in the morning and go about their morning routine.
But one morning, one of the boys said "Daddy, where are your pajamas?" So I told him that I don't like wearing pajamas. So he asked if he could sleep in his underwear too. We couldn't see any reason for him not to, so we said yes. Naturally, what one brother does, the other brother will also do. Surprisingly though, not long after, Mattea asked if she could sleep in her underwear too! So now, me and the kids all sleep in our underwear, while T still has a variety of PJ's that she can routinely be found in.
You cannot not model behaviour, even when you have no intention of teaching anything. You are always teaching by example, even when you are not thinking about it.
As a side note, (and I may have written about this before, so if I am boring you now, you can go ahead and do that other load of laundry), when the boys turned 5 we told them that they were too old to sleep with us any longer. And that lasted for a few weeks until one of them had a nightmare and climbed into bed with us. Now we generally have one boy sleeping with us when we wake up, and occasionally two.
At first, I would remind them of their age upon awakening, and would request that they stay in their own bed. But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I liked waking up when one of the kids joined us in bed during the night. As I am generally a heavy sleeper, sometimes they get into bed and I don't know it until I wake. Other times, they crawl all over to get in and I will be aware of their existence. They are usually back asleep within seconds.
One of the reasons that we let them continue is this: Mattea doesn't get into bed with us anymore. And I miss that. She is older now, and more comfortable with the night. She rarely has nightmares, and generally will go back to sleep on her own if they do arise. And she hasn't had a bout of sleepwalking in many, many months now.
So, my little pea-brain told me one day, "If Mattea doesn't sleep with you any more, the boys won't sleep with you anymore one day too". And, truth be told, I'm not really looking forward to that day when the boys don't sleep with us any longer. I like waking up with Theresa on one side and Noah or Grayson on the other. (Although Theresa doesn't like it so much when it's Grayson, Me, then Noah, then Theresa. Noah sometimes pushes his feet against you in his sleep.)
Perhaps next time, I'll talk about the remaining bizarre sleeping arrangements in Casa Hernandez. Until then...
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