She's Back!

Well... almost anyway. She's probably landed by now.

"Who?" I hear you asking. "From where?" "I didn't even know she was gone!" All reasonable observations to be answered in good time.

Turnabout is fair play, I've heard said. So it would appear that my time for fair play has arrived.

I have been traveling on business once again, I think this time going back to the beginning of September or so. Generally only for a week at a time, but the first leg had me gone for almost two. I have had a couple of bye weeks though. Temporary lapses in the schedule designed to disharmonize my family's routine of being without me, except for the weekends. This week happens to be a bye week for me, between Los Angeles last week and Phoenix next. So apparently, Theresa figured it would be a good time to ditch the family for a couple days. Not that she doesn't deserve it. So... off she goes... traipsing to New York City, of all places, to see some television star of all things!

I suppose I should back up a bit.

Theresa's friend Ann was flying to Washington, D.C. on business, and then needed to go up to New York, to attend to some other business. Ann figured that, as long as she was in New York, she would try to get tickets to "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart". Naturally, Ann being Ann, she asked for more tickets than she could use, and when they did, in fact, materialize, immediately thought to offer one to Theresa, because she knew that Theresa had nothing better to do than to take time off from work, desert her three beautiful children and loving husband, and fly off to New York City to see some television star, of all things! Which she did.

But, as I'm sure you know by now, if you are more than just a few weeks old... nothing is simple.

Theresa had asked me to arrange a rental car for her while in New York as she had a friend nowhere near New York that she wanted to visit while she was there. Being the loving husband that I am (see above), I graciously agreed to make such an arrangement. As I was filling out the online form asking for various bits and pieces of Theresa's life, I came to a question that I had no answer to. So downstairs I go, to obtain this bit of information.

The question seemed simple enough. "Drivers License expiration date?" Of such minutia are mountains turned to molehills (some say it the other way around, but I truly think in this case, a mountain was ground down to a molehill.)

By now, clever reader, you have figured out that Theresa had been driving on an expired drivers license for almost two months. Complaining that the Department of Motor Vehicles had never sent her a renewal application, I calmly asked her which address was listed on her license. Correct again... thereupon appeared the address of the home that we sold and moved out of over three years ago. I would think that the weary souls over at the Postal Service have tired of forwarding Theresa's mail quite some time ago.

Surely, no rental car awaits, based on this news. But then I start thinking (generally something to be avoided, if at all possible... the consequences are generally not good.) Whenever I get on an airplane, in addition to my boarding pass, the good and kind security personnel always ask for a government issued photo ID. I started to think that this should probably be a valid government issued photo ID. Which would mean an unexpired drivers license. Theresa's passport? No... that expired long ago. Hmmmmm...

Theresa is starting to get very upset, though hiding it well from the kids. No swear words come flying out of her mouth, although her lips are clamped together pretty tightly, I'm thinking to prevent exactly that.

Oh, one other thing. Theresa's flight is only about three and a half hours away at this point. On a Sunday evening. So we start making phone calls, and conducting web searches. No useful information from Transportation Security Administration (the kind and good folks mentioned above.) Although, to be fair, it's not their fault. Theresa terminated the phone call prior to completing the negotiation of TSA's bureaucratic voicemail system. And she hadn't even been into the call for ten minutes yet. No definitive help from American Airlines, the provider of Theresa's flight. I say no definitive help, because Theresa had talked with a cordial young woman, and she thought that it would not be a problem for Theresa to fly on an expired license, but there didn't seem to be a strong, confident tone about her.

So we were coming to realize that there was a very real possibility that she would not be going to New York. One other airlines' web site had stated specifically that boarding documentation required an unexpired government issued photo ID.

So I called American Airlines to see about cancelling the ticket, or checking on the ability to use the value on some future flight. When I explained the situation to the nice woman that answered the phone, it was immediately apparent that this was a person of some experience. She asked if Theresa had a copy of her birth certificate. She did. Birth certificates do not expire. She asked if Theresa had a copy of her marriage certificate. She did. Marriage certificates do not expire. (Although, from what I understand, they can become invalid through issuance of yet another certificate.) The nice woman directed us to have Theresa take this additional documentation to the airport, and, since her drivers license had only expired the previous month, it should not prove to be an issue.

And so it was. Theresa showered, packed, and was out the door with plenty of time for the additional screenings by those nice security folks that we knew were sure to be in her future.

But that's not why I even started writing. I was going to tell you about my past couple of days. But Theresa is home now, and I really should be going to bed, as it's getting late, and I need to take my kids to school in the morning.

Stay tuned for Part II.