Bittersweetness of Parenthood

I’ve said before that it is the moments that make up a life. I don’t know that my personal experience is different than most regarding my recollections of past events. But many of my most vivid memories are not of weeks or of days or even of hours – but of a particularly strong moment in time.

Yesterday I was traveling from San Diego to Portland on business. As it happened, I had to connect through Los Angeles. Also as it happened, yesterday was the first day of the Padres post season effort, so naturally I had to watch the game. The Pads made a strong comeback effort in the 9th but not strong enough as they lost game one to the Cardinals 8 to 5. Watching the game put me behind schedule and I had to hurry to make my flight, which meant that I didn’t get lunch before I left. There being about an hour and a half on the ground in LAX prior to my connection to Portland, I stopped to grab a bite.

Sitting at my table, munching my late afternoon heat lamp burger and (gratefully) fresh fries, I noticed a woman pick up her order and make an effort to find her way to a table of her own. Actually, it was not really the woman that attracted my attention, but her 1 ½ year old daughter. She had beautiful big blue eyes, straight short brown hair parted in the middle with short bangs, a cute round face and the very quick legs of a newly liberated runner. By the time mom had made it to a table and dropped off her food, along with the little ones stroller bound older brother, little sister had run out into the concourse and was joyfully trying to escape. As mom tracked down and repossessed her child (with me sitting there smiling the smile of the knowing), I couldn’t help but think of similar activities that we had been involved with - times two at that with the boys. It also made me think that I’d never see my children in that stage of their lives again.

Not that they don’t run off now, often in different directions. But the sight of newly minted running legs being exercised is just plain fun to watch. And I’ll not have that opportunity again with my kids.

Thinking of the days that have already gone by made me think of those days yet to come. And realizing that before we know it, they will be leaving home. And Mattea has a three year head start on the boys. Which leads me to the bittersweetness of parenthood. The unalterable fact that we are raising them to leave home and live their own lives, most likely earlier than we will be ready for them to leave home and live their own lives.

I don’t want them to leave! I don’t want to give up the days of Mattea curling up with me on the couch to read a book. I don’t want to give up the days of Grayson forcing his way onto my lap while I’m having breakfast saying “I want you cereal!” I don’t want to give up the days of Noah absently playing with the hair on my arm while he watches television. I love my kids! I love the moments that they’re giving me. And, yes, I realize that these moments will also end all too soon. But they will be joined by others, which will be joined by even more.

My hope is that the moments that we provide to Mattea, Noah and Grayson will lead them to lives of integrity, appreciation, respect and, in turn, love for their kids as well.